Today I was contacted by someone that let me know a very old friend of mine had passed away. I had not spoken to him in over sixteen years.
Yet when I heard the news, my heart ripped open as if we had just spoken yesterday. That is the power that love can have, when years melt away in moments and you are left with the raw emotion running through you, making you feel, refusing to let this stone heart be unmoved.
I found myself weeping as I don’t think I had in years, as memories pulled at my mind. Of both good times and bad, of things to bring joy to the heart, and regrets that fill me with pain even as I write.
I did not speak to that man for sixteen years, because of an argument. The kind that bends your spirit with hate, and causes you to walk away from people. Even people that care about you. Looking back now, only now can I see how petty, how foolish, I had been.
I compounded that by not seeking him out in those years, making amends, telling him I was sorry, and I wanted, no, needed his forgiveness and understanding for what I had done.
Pride would not let me at first, and then after that wore out, shame kept me away. Why did I do that? He was like a brother to me and I couldn’t bare to even ask for his forgiveness. I think he would have given it too, that’s the kind of good person he was. He was one of the first people to show me that God could change your life. Could make it better, but I walked away, I didn’t want God then, my sin was more important to me.
And now my heart bleeds regret, knowing the words and deeds I should have done are too late.
If you take nothing away from this, take one thing. Don’t wait until it’s too late to say I am sorry. Don’t wait to tell that special someone you love them. If you have a friend, that you have wronged, go to them and make peace.
Don’t allow pride or shame keep you away from it, because once they are gone, you don’t have anymore chances.